He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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