I think I won the penis lottery.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
