even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
