Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
