Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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