Banned from zoo.
Again?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
And then my night got REAL pukey
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
