Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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