Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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