I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
the night ended with taco bell and tears
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
