Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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