id be glad to
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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