I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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