have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
