my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
