omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
