party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
