I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
