I bet he comes in French.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
