she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
