i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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