I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
