I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
