my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
