I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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