I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I believe in your delicious
I need to calm my uterus...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
