Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
