I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
