you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
