I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
