I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
