Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize