You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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