you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We have started to decorate penises.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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