Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
