I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
