Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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