Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
