Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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