oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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