Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
