Well douche your snatch and let's go!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
