I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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