Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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