why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
