There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
