You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
