I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
