sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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