pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
