I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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